Spicy, not so spicy;
Of different sizes and shapes, of different emotions and situations, of different times with different rhymes, we have memories of every kind.
Past, it’s now in the form of memories within us. Physically, mentally, and emotionally, they build up this very body. For few, it’s guiding them; for few, it’s haunting them.
Let’s delve into this deep lovable/hauntable reality of life which one carries.
As soon as you hear the term “memory”, one, directly connects only with a particular memory; the incident which occurred at one particular point of time which has now become a deep abyss you fall, over and over again into every time you try to look at it. Painful, lovable whichever kind it is, its within you and very real for you. The fundamental faculties of human beings are- memory and imagination. These can do miracles to the world and you if you know how to use them efficiently and effectively. Unfortunately, most of the people suffer these wonderful faculties, just because we don’t know how to use them. One can “think” they know how to use them perfectly, but ask yourself sincerely, not to me, but your-self. Do you really “know”? or do you “think” you know? Many moments might have happened in your life, but only few of those moments took the form of memories. Those moments were special, either pleasant or unpleasant, but they are special as they still run within you. This very moment, your unconsciously thinking of that particularly memory which made your life extremely sad, situations which messed up with you completely, which made you mad, which made you to surrender to life; that moment which shattered you; that moment which broke you; that moment which turned your life completely upside down within seconds (or) extremely happy, extremely lovable; that particular moment when you felt the wholeness of life, that moment when you felt the true life.
The moment you heard the terms happiness and sadness, you are basically taking about the pleasant and unpleasant experiences of life. These experiences don’t just have thoughts with it, but there are emotions which are deeply attached with it. At some particular point of time, you felt something/someone will bring you pleasantness which came in form of love, happiness, peace, desire. Many of us are deeply attached to that memory of a person who deeply mattered to us. That person whom you thought is the world for you, that person whom you thought would be the one for you; whom you thought would be alongside you all the time, that person whom you thought would never leave; that person whom you thought you could surrender your trust, that person whom you thought you could share your entire life, with whom you thought you could lay your head upon their shoulder and rest feeling secured, safe, trusted, loved, happy, peaceful, pleasant, open. But as time passed, it occurred, the person whom you daily talk with, slowly stopped talking; they started to slowly stop meeting you, ignore you; they started to give less importance to you; they started to slowly move away from you, slowly break away from you. And then one day it happened, they are away from you, from your life. That person whom you thought would be your whole left you cold. Numbness started to spread all over the body. Body being completely confused, emotions being completely lost. It just pierced your heart. Confused, anxious, depressed, sad, empty, lost.
Times passed, life slowly fell back into place. When you were with people, you laughed, you enjoyed, you smiled, you moved; but deep down, only you see what they can’t see. For them, you were completely normal; but for you ,you were confused between almost normal and not even close to normal. You know, when life fell back into pieces, one particular piece broke into a million different shades which can never be brought back. It just left you there, empty. Your mind, emotions and the very body of yours were completely in a clear confusion. You tried to ignore it, you tried to get it back, you tried and are still trying to give yourself into it. What was a beautiful moment “then” became a painful memory “now”. The harder you tried, the more it broke. The stronger you tried to hold, the heavier it became. You know you want to come out, but you were struck. You were living in imagination and reality at once. Imagining that something wonderful might happen to help you get back, while the reality was, you need to accept that it will never be the same and it might never get back.
Take a deep breath. Feel it channelling through your body.
Now that you want to transform and change yourself, you need to face the reality. You need to accept what has happened. Not in the terms of morality, but in terms of life. It is now just a memory. However valuable it maybe to you, it’s a memory now. It only exists in your mind, nowhere else. When you are too attached to this memory and want to hold it strong, you can’t live, you can’t enjoy nor can you die. It’s a lifeless life. Because of that, you can’t enjoy your food, can’t visit a place you always visited, can’t look at someone, can’t breathe the way before, can’t smile the way you did, can’t think the way you thought, can’t sleep, can’t even enjoy your cup of coffee or the drops if rain. Everything is now clouded by your memory. Please observe this. Everything around you and everything you observe, it simply is in the state the way they are. It is because your vision is clouded by that memory, you are not even able to observe things the way they are.
Yes, its unforgettable, it’s hard to move away from it, it’s hard to stop those thoughts stop from interrupting every aspect of your life, it’s hard, not to think about it. Please observe. These things happened. One cannot have control over past, but everyone- if they are willing- has a chance to make the future and create their destiny with the help of past. Not but holding the memories, but but allowing them to flow. If you try to hold the flow of a river, it just breaks the barriers and overflows into different region. Similarly, if you try to hold these emotions, thoughts and memories, they’ll burst out in form of anger, fear, depression, anxiety, disease, mental imbalance and it might even create a slow poison within you. All, of these things occur just because we don’t know how to handle our own mind. Because, no one guided on how to live a life blissfully by taking these faculties of body and mind to the ultimate by using them effectively. No one guided during our growth because they themselves are struck in this. This cycle has been on since generations and generations. Don’t you want to come out of that cycle and start to explore the experience the life at least now? Don’t you want to come out of that mental diarrhea? Don’t you think it’s time to take charge of your own life? Don’t you think it’s time to make your thoughts and emotions happened the way you want them to happen?
First and foremost thing to observe is, you are a mortal being. If you were immortal, you can be depressed for 500 years and happy for another 500 years, then blissful for another 1000 years. But its’ not like that. You are a mortal being and death may happen any moment. Don’t try to bring death, it will naturally happen. “No, no I want to put end to all my pain and sufferings, I want put an end to this”; if this is so, then just hold your breath, don’t breath. You’ll see, within no time something within you is thriving to live!. One feels that way because, they are just living in their thoughts and not with life. If you live in thoughts, you become limited, your just recycling whatever you gathered mentally. If you live with life, its unlimited, whatever you wish can happen if you work towards it consciously with intense and unwavering focus and attention. Everything around you is blooming with life. You just need to be sensitive enough to embrace the beauty of life.
”If I become sensitive, everyone will start poking me and beat me down”. Please understand the difference between sensitivity and stupidity. Becoming sensitive to life does not mean to become weak, it just means to enhance your perspective and be open to such an extent that, when you look at a flower or even at a rock, you can embrace the aliveness, beauty and the life within it.
Whatever happened, it just happened. There can be no other way to change the past. ”This moment the way you are is the only way you can be, there is simply no other way.” If you understand this, you have already stepped into transformation. You can either be wounded or be wiser from past experiences. The more broken you are, the wiser you should be, isn’t it? You need to simply accept the present, because there is nowhere to go and live other than in the present. You can use those memories to enhance your life or denounce your life. Your future depends on the way you make your present. It’s your choice to choose on whether you want to allow the past to control the present or you want to take control of present. Every experience you had can be used to create pleasantness within you. If it creates pleasantness, you can embrace it; if it creates unpleasantness, you can simply throw it away-not with hate but with grace. Its good to be broke of a while as it shows the reality of life. Don’t be broken, be awaken.
You are the maker of your life. If you act consciously, the very nature of your mind can take you to the peaks of the ultimate.
LAST BUT NOT THE LEAST